Dirty Facebook Status

• I am not virgin, My life fucks me everyday.

• I like it here because not only do I get to air out my dirty laundry, I get to see yours too.

• I smile when I’m having dirty thoughts :)

• Facebook’s timeline is my favorite way to watch girls from high school get fat.

• I hate how chocolate immediately melt on my fingers. I mean.. am I that hot?

• Knows the real fountain of youth is to have a dirty mind and a naughty smile..

• Sex education may be a good idea in the schools, but I don’t believe the kids should be given homework.

• People say I got a dirty mind, I just think I’ve got a good imagination lol..

• yes i have a dirty mind, and you are in it…

• All you need in this world is a dirty mind and someone to share it with!!

• Things that shouldn’t be broken: 1) Hearts 2) Promises 3) Condoms :P :)

• Things that shouldn’t be broken: 1) Hearts 2) Promises 3) Condoms

• We live in a world where losing your iPhone is more dramatic than losing your virginity.

• Women only need 3.5 inches to achieve maximum pleasure, …………………….. it’s called a credit card.

• I think the woman who invented the phrase “All Men Are The Same” was a chinese woman who lost her husband in the crowd :)

• Woman without curves is like a road without bends…. You may get to your destination quicker, but the ride is boring as hell.

• If abortion is murder then are condoms kidnapping?

• Great minds think alike but dirty minds work together :)

• Your lips are like wine & I wanna get drunk.

• I’m a freelance gynecologist. How long has it been since your last checkup?

• Girls dont dress for boys, they dress for themselves. If girls dressed for boys, they’d just walk around naked all the time.

• In a cramped bus.. Lady: Something of yours is touching me. Man: Oh! That’s… that’s just my salary in my pocket. Lady: Did your salary just triple in the last 5 minutes?

• Women are like IPhones, you have to touch them all over before they respond. Men are like Blackberrys, rub one ball and everything moves!

• I once made love for an hour and fifteen minutes, but it was the night the clocks are set ahead.

• Hey girl, I’d like to be a part of your next abortion.

• Women and rocks are very much alike … We skip the flat ones.

• My mother never understood the irony in calling me a “son-of-a-bitch.

• Sex education may be a good idea in the schools, but I don’t believe the kids should be given homework.

• Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place.

• Whats the worst thing you can do to a blind man? Leave the plunger in the toilet!

• I’m listening to the voices in my head and I’ve come to realize that they are having more fun than me. I’m gonna go join them for a few drinks.

• Touch it gently, put 2 fingers inside, if it’s wide use 3 fingers, make sure it’s wet and rub up and down. Yep that’s how you wash a cup.

• If you`re texting two people at the same time, you are bitextual.

• Not all cute guys have girlfriends, most of them have boyfriends…

• Knows the real fountain of youth is to have a dirty mind and a naughty smile..

• Needs to wash his mind out with soap..

• Like this if you have ever checked Facebook while naked..

• People say I got a dirty mind, I just think I’ve got a good imagination lol..

• What do the Chinese call a 69? Twocanchew

• You keep smiling like that and everyone is gonna wonder what you did last night..

• People say I have a dirty mind But I say its just creative

• There are some people in this world that give my middle finger a boner..

• Don’t you wish people could be like money, so you could hold them up to the sun and see which ones are fake and who are real.

• He slides into second with a stand up double.

• Age, like distance lends a double charm.

• If they play dirty, then you play dirty.

• I just love getting dirty.

• I can remember when the air was clean and sex was dirty.

• I always start writing with a clean piece of paper and a dirty mind.

• Don’t call the world dirty because you forgot to clean your glasses.

• An evil person is like a dirty window, they never let the light shine through.

• I hate sitting in a seat warmed by someone else..

• I hate how chocolate immediately melt on my fingers. I mean.. am I that hot?

• An evil person is like a dirty window, they never let the light shine through.

• My idea of “friends with benefits” is another one of my friends doing my laundry. What were you people thinking.. I have morals.

• I’m spread before I’m eaten. Your tongue gets me off. People sometimes like to lick my nuts. What am I? “Peanut Butter”.

• What goes in hard and pink and comes out soft and squishy? What?! It’s bubble gum. Jeez, what were you thinking?!

• I swear my pillow could be a hairstylist I always wake up with the wierdest hairdos.

• I guess if you spoke your mind, you’d be speechless, huh?

• You miss 100 percent of the shots u never take.

• So many stupid people, and so few asteroids.

• Hands are so overrated..I think I’ll use my mouth..

• People say I have a dirty mind… But I say its just creative!